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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853610">To Be Alone With You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceyloser/pseuds/spaceyloser'>spaceyloser</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(which already happened), Alcohol, Bar, Death, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Heaven, Inspired by a Hozier Song, Kind of i was listening to be alone with you when i decided to write this, M/M, Reunions, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform, what happens after the bridge scene?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:35:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceyloser/pseuds/spaceyloser</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the credits roll on the bridge scene, Sam and Dean meet up with all of their deceased friends and have a big party. After the party, Dean is upset that Cas didn't show up. He is terrified to confront him, but he has to. They have eternity together, the pair couldn't avoid their feelings forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Be Alone With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean was elated to see his little brother again. He sat quietly while he drove back to town, listening to Sam talk about his life. His wife and his son, his quiet career and normal death. Sam apparently let a full life, he got married, got divorced, had a son, a job, a car, a cat even. Everything Dean could have dreamed for him. </p>
<p>"It will be good to see Anna again." Sam said finally, ending his life story. "She died a few years after the divorce. We still got along."</p>
<p>"Well, don't take this the wrong way, Sammy, but I can't wait to meet the nephew who you thought was cool enough to take my name."</p>
<p>"There's a lot to dissect in that sentence, hopefully you won't meet him for decades."</p>
<p>"Yeah, hopefully." Dean cracked a smile and let the silence stretch between them.</p>
<p>"So...how is everyone? Have you-uh, seen Eileen?" Sam cleared his throat and looked out the window.</p>
<p>"Eileen?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I mean, these last few years I was...just thinking it would be nice to see everyone again." Sam still wouldn't look at him, he was the same nervous man Dean left behind.</p>
<p>"Right." Dean laughed, shaking his head.</p>
<p>"So, have you?"</p>
<p>"Um, no. I haven't see anyone yet."</p>
<p>"What? What the hell do you mean?"</p>
<p>Dean quickly explained how time was different in heaven, and that he had...had been driving the last few decades.</p>
<p>"I do not believe time is different, it is completely possible you just zoned out and kept driving for decades."</p>
<p>"Ha, yeah. We're almost back."</p>
<p>"Or...maybe you were avoiding something?" </p>
<p>Dean didn't respond, just watched as the scenery was the same for as far as he could see. I guess that's what happens when you drive for thirty years.</p>
<p>"You haven't see anyone? Mom? Dad? Jack?"</p>
<p>"Not yet, I saw Bobby when I first got here."</p>
<p>"Not even...not even Cas?"</p>
<p>Dean swallowed hard and kept his eyes on the road, with one hand, he expertly turned on some music. The same music he had been listening to his entire life, and his entire death. Because if there was one thing Dean Winchester was horrible at, it was change. </p>
<p>After the Cas question, it was as if the bar appeared out of nowhere. Bobby wasn't sitting outside anymore, but everything else was the same.</p>
<p>Dean and Sam had a joyous reunion with their parents, who lived in separate homes. At 7, the four of them went to the Roadhouse where Ellen and Jo prepared a welcome party. Everyone was there, every friend they ever made and lost. </p>
<p>Everyone, except-except Castiel.</p>
<p>Sam and Dean both held Jack longer than anyone else. Sam actually shed a tear.</p>
<p>"I missed you both." Jack smiled at them as Sam and Dean confirmed that they had missed him too. He looked exactly the same, even with the weight of heaven on his young shoulders.</p>
<p>The all talked for hours. They laughed, they cried. Charlie sang for some reason. It was a beautiful, touching event that was capable of healing all wounds. And it was confined to four walls and sticky floors.</p>
<p>Castiel never showed up. Dean watched the door all night, casually, not intensely, but he never came. Finally, Sam broke down and asked Jack, but Jack just said he was busy tonight, and Cas sent his regards. </p>
<p>His regards.</p>
<p>That broke something in Dean, but he just drank his beer. </p>
<p>The night slowed down, and most people headed on home. Sam went after their parents left.</p>
<p>"Hey, I died an old man. I'm used to going to bed early." Sam laughed.</p>
<p>Dean wasn't so ready to pack it in. Also, he didn't have a house yet. Sam was going to stay with Mary, but Dean couldn't bring himself to leave.</p>
<p>"Hey, come on, I'll buy you a drink." Charlie smiled at him, slapping him on the arm.</p>
<p>"There's no money in heaven." Jo said from behind the bar.</p>
<p>"It's a figure of speech. Champagne, we're celebrating."</p>
<p>"We should have had champagne earlier, everyone left." </p>
<p>"Everyone but us." Said Jo as she poured three glasses.</p>
<p>Dean glanced back over to the door again before picking up the tiny glass. He didn't care for champagne, but it did the job. </p>
<p>"Dean, who are you waiting for? Everyone was here already." Jo asked, Dean fully turned to face the bar and looked down into his glass.</p>
<p>"Castiel." Charlie whispered.</p>
<p>"Oh, he's in heaven?" Charlie nodded and rolled her eyes, Dean pretended not to see her.</p>
<p>"I just don't know why he didn't come."</p>
<p>"Maybe he was nervous." Charlie offered.</p>
<p>"Why would he be nervous?" Jo leaned on the bar, looking at Charlie, head supported on her hand as she waited for the details. It was as if Dean wasn't even there. </p>
<p>"Um, he's just a nervous guy?" Charlie phrased it as a question, quickly taking a long drink and looking away.</p>
<p>"He wouldn't be nervous. He's family." Neither of the girls said anything to this, Dean's tone was very much 'end of conversation.'</p>
<p>Dean didn't want to think about it. But every time he thought about Cas, before death and after death, his chest felt tight. </p>
<p>It took six months maybe, after they met, for him to develop that feeling. A feeling he hadn't experienced since high school, maybe. Looking at Cas made him feel young, excited by life. A year after that, he would catch himself looking at the angel for longer than necessary, or starting unnecessary conversation just to hear the funny way Cas would phrase things. </p>
<p>Dean never in his life questioned his sexuality, he never had to, so he never thought that hard. Sex was something done between work, a night of fun before back to his bloody business. He liked women, he was attracted to women. He would never have a normal life, he would never have a girlfriend or a wife, so he just didn't think about it. It was easy. It was the easiest thing in his life.</p>
<p>Until it wasn't. </p>
<p>He felt like that for years before he identified it. And it scared him, not because Castiel was a man (or an angel in a human male vessel), but because suddenly, there was another person he couldn't lose. Because if he would lose him, it would kill him.</p>
<p>And then he did lose him. He lost him. Everyday it felt like he was dying. He never thought once that Cas would feel the same, and that night, that horrible night, when the only person he had ever felt feelings for like that, was ripped from him...god. It was like dying all over again. And he knew, he had died several times. </p>
<p>In the daylight, he put on a smiling face, and did what he had to do. And at night, he would curl up and dream of blue eyes. Safe, in the bunker, laughing and okay. </p>
<p>He loved him, dear lord, he loved him for years. He was too much of a chicken to admit to anyone, not even to his reflection. </p>
<p>Maybe, just maybe, things could be different here, in this place. Heaven. When Bobby said Castiel was here, safe and in one piece, he imagined it all.</p>
<p>And then he got scared again. As if they were on Earth, and it was the old days. His parents were here, Bobby, all his friends.</p>
<p>But it could be different now...right?</p>
<p>Cas didn't come tonight. Maybe he regretted the confession, maybe he didn't feel the same way anymore, or maybe he never did. Dean could have misinterpreted, and now Castiel didn't want to deal with Dean's emotions.</p>
<p>Could Dean ignore him for eternality? Maybe.</p>
<p>He didn't want to. He wanted...he didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to see Cas, that was for sure. He wanted to see Castiel tonight, and Cas didn't show up. </p>
<p>When Dean thought about the angel, there it was, the same tightness in his chest. </p>
<p>Dean finished the last drop of champagne in his glass. He was sobering up quickly. He was sober, for him at least.</p>
<p>Jo was about to refill his glass, but he waved her away and said goodbye to his friends. He hugged Charlie, she whispered something in his ear that he couldn't hear over the noise in his head.</p>
<p>He walked outside, keys in hand, unsure of where he was going. But there was Jack, waiting for him.</p>
<p>"Dean."</p>
<p>"Hey Jack."</p>
<p>"Go down this road, you'll find him at a bar on the right."</p>
<p>Dean wanted to say a lot of things at that moment.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Jack." Jack smiled at his surrogate parent and disappeared.  </p><hr/>
<p>The other bar was extremely close to the Roadhouse. Dean was annoyed. Cas clearly wasn't busy, and he went to another bar, completely ignoring Sam's welcome party. </p>
<p>It was small and rustic, his was the only car in the parking lot. Honestly, it kind of seemed like it was the only car in heaven. He hesitated, only for a moment. </p>
<p>He climbed out of the impala and hesitated again, looking at the building. It was dark out, I guess nighttime still existed in heaven. Yellow light from the building was shining out onto the dark parking lot. The area was quiet. Unnaturally so. </p>
<p>Slowly, he approached the building. Grabbing onto the handle, he tried to calm himself down. Whatever Castiel awaited him on the other side of the door, he could handle. He would get over himself, Cas as his friend was all he needed, he would be okay.</p>
<p>He walked in.</p>
<p>Cas was sitting at the bar, alone. There was music coming quietly from the back. The entire bar was empty, there wasn't even a bartender. Which I guess made sense. There are no jobs in heaven.</p>
<p>Castiel didn't look up, which hurt Dean more than he would ever ever EVER admit. </p>
<p>Dean just slid onto the bar stool next to Cas, he was going to say something, but no words would come out.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry I didn't make it to your party."</p>
<p>"It was Sam's party."</p>
<p>"It was both your party." </p>
<p>"Cas, what the hell is this? Why are you ignoring us?"</p>
<p>"I'm not ignoring you, you got here and immediately drove away." </p>
<p>"C'mon, Cas."</p>
<p>Cas didn't look at him. He held a glass in his hand, swirling his drink. He placed it on the table a little too hard. The echo almost made Dean jump.</p>
<p>"I thought you didn't want to see me. I couldn't blame you, with the way I left things."</p>
<p>"With the way you left things?" Cas pursed his lips, still not meeting Dean's eyes.</p>
<p>"You died, Cas. You said you-and then you died."</p>
<p>"I said that I loved you."</p>
<p>"Yes, but..but.." Dean was about to do it, he was going to give Cas an out, to let him clarify, or squash the little bug of feelings that rooted deep in Dean's heart. "But I already knew that, I knew you loved Sam and Jack and all of us."</p>
<p>Cas, for a long moment, didn't say anything.</p>
<p>"I suppose." He finally replied. And Dean felt it, it hurt. Rejection always hurt, but this one was breaking his ribs. He had thought...that maybe...</p>
<p>But he was wrong. Maybe this was good, that he would finally have closure. But it didn't feel that way right now. He just felt sick.</p>
<p>Cas downed his drink and stood, taking a step towards the door,</p>
<p>"That is not how I meant it, though."</p>
<p>Dean was confused, but then he realized Cas was going to leave. He shook his head and stood, out of instinct, he grabbed the angel's arm to stop him.</p>
<p>"Woah woah woah, what does that mean?"</p>
<p>Cas just looked at him, his blue eyes drilling holes into him. As if it was obvious and Dean was being obtuse. Above all, Cas just looked tired. Dean thought, sadly, <em>did I do that to him?</em></p>
<p>"You know how I feel about you, how I've always felt about you." Dean's heart did a little dance and began to put itself together, although this was a premature action. Hearts do not usually do things rationally. </p>
<p>"No, I guess I don't know. Because tonight, it felt like you didn't care at all."</p>
<p>"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" Cas's voice rose, authoritative and exasperated. </p>
<p>Dean held his arms out and shrugged, "I guess you do."</p>
<p>Castiel just looked down. Dean watched him carefully, scared about where the interaction would end. </p>
<p>The angel shook his head, and sighed. He picked his eyes off the floor and looked at Dean, his friend, his partner, the man he pulled out of hell, the man who saved him, who he saved. Who would look at him with those big sad eyes. The man who chose him. Over and over again, against all odds. </p>
<p>He didn't know what else to say.</p>
<p>Castiel simply closed the distance between them. Standing so close, they were breathing the same air. Dean was almost the same height as him, but Cas was looking up at him anyway, barely. </p>
<p>Dean's eyebrows were pinched together slightly, his mouth a bit open. He looked confused. He moved, only a little, shifting ever so closer to the angel. </p>
<p>Cas reached up, cupping Dean's cheek. Dean instinctively grabbed onto Cas's wrist. Cas expected him to rip his hand away, but Dean just held on, letting out a shuttering breath. Cas slowly lowered Dean's head, placing their foreheads together. The men closed their eyes at the same time, just standing there.</p>
<p>In the corner of the room was a radio playing low, the man sounded low and haunting as he sang <em>"I feel like a person for a moment of my life..."</em></p>
<p>It was slow. Both of their lives had always been fast and dangerous. Castiel was a centuries old angel, Dean hunted monsters for a living. Nothing about their lives was ever slow, simple, or careful.</p>
<p>But that is just what this was. Simple. Careful. And so, so slow. It was Castiel who initiated it. Their kiss was barely there at first. A wisp of something new, for the both of them.</p>
<p>And then it was faster, but still slow. tantalizingly so. Slower than Dean was used to, but it allowed his head to catch up with the rest of him. Cas's stubble was new, but Dean's hands on Cas was not. He had been there before. The years they had known each other. Even his scent was familiar. He didn't mind going slow, he liked it.</p>
<p>Castiel started it, and he ended it. He pulled away from Dean, fully meeting his eyes. Dean felt unbelievably young. He had lived a thousand lifetimes, but this person made him feel like he was new. </p>
<p>He was in love with him too, he had known that. He knew it now, too. </p>
<p>Neither of them said anything, they just looked at each other. </p>
<p>Finally, Dean reached out, grabbing Cas's arm so gently, Cas barely felt it. He pulled Cas in, hugging him as tightly as he could. Finally, he could breathe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh to be alone with you."</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was so unsatisfied by the ending, which goes without saying. So I decided to write what happened after the bridge. The ending we all deserved.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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